Birthday Wishes

Me: "Dylan, what do you want for your birthday?" He turns 11 in the next few days.

Dylan: "Peace and love for my fellow man."

Me: "Good idea. Now can you give me something I can buy?"

Dylan: "How about a dirt bike?"

Me: "Try again."

When I was his age, I got a...shoot, I can't even remember what I got for my 11th birthday. I'm sure it was some version of a cardboard box.

Survival of the Wettest

I survived the party. The house is finally quiet. The party went relatively well even though I feel like I aged 20 years.

The day was a blur of squirt guns, barefooted boys running through the house leaving a trail of water behind them, tissue paper being flung from gift bags, birthday cake and ice cream melting on abandoned plates and lots and lots of squealing.

The next milestone birthday isn't for another 18 months. I intend to spend everyday until then in rehab.

*Note to self: Rethink the squirt gun/ water balloon idea.

Although, a friend of mine let us borrow her life size sling shot, you know, the kind that takes three people to use and is made with surgical tubing. In a moment of brilliance, I came up with this killer game idea. I told the kids that if they could catch a water balloon as it was being launched 20 feet in the air at warp speed, they would win a prize. From the second story window, the "adults" in the house launched water balloons directly at the little devils for a good three minutes.

Is it my fault they don't grasp the concept of physics? That was good for a few laughs until the smart ones wandered off. Sissies.

Party like it's $19.99

Birthday Parties. They sure aren't what they used to be. What happened to cake and ice cream and red punch in paper cups? What happened to cheering wildly while some poor kid is forced to blindly stick something on a donkey's butt? What happened to opening a few presents and going home?

I don't think my mom ever spent more than $19.99 on any of my birthday parties. And that was the combined total for my entire childhood.

Today I will attempt a birthday for Dylan who is turning the big 1-0. Double digits. We told our kids that we would have one big party for them when they hit double digits and then another big one when they hit triple digits. We try to keep expectations low, that way they're surprised when we do something unexpected.

We have invited 20 fourth graders. It's the entire class because we didn't want to exclude anyone, even though I have a list of kids I'd like to personally hit with a water balloon.

The plan was to have water balloons, squirt guns, soccer, volleyball, outdoor games, outdoor food and outdoor bathrooms. HEY! We could use the port-o-johns that are in our front yard! Plaid Nation won't mind, they're on a three day weekend.

But, now it's supposed to rain. Now is when I'm going to officially freak out. Would it be wrong of me to stay inside with the doors locked?

I need some chocolate. Where are those goody bags? Those kids don't need all that chocolate.