Allergic to Sleeping?

Here's the thing about having allergic reactions: usually you know what you're allergic to! It's taken a good three days to recover from my last phantom allergic reaction. Paging Dr. House...

For the medical record:

1. I didn't eat anything different.
2. I didn't touch anything weird or out of the ordinary, except cabbage.
3. I didn't breathe, snort, sniffle, or inhale anything different.

This time it happened in the middle of the night, so I went from sleeping beauty to anaphylactic shock in three and a half minutes. Not pretty.

So anyway, two Epi pens and a handful of Benadryl and I'm livin' life in a purple haze.

As with any physical ailment, from ingrown toe nails, to MRSA, my mother recommended an appointment with her chiropractor.

Allergic to ?

Word of the Day
matutinal \muh-TOOT-n-uhl\, adjective:

Relating to or occurring in the morning; early.

I love the sound of this word. if you're gong to be awake before 8 a.m., you should be forced to use this word. If someone said, "I'm a matutinal person," that would give me enough time to walk away.

I have physical evidence to support my hypothesis that I am NOT capable of being a morning person. Not capable. Must work at night. I can't think or speak in the morning before 8:30 a.m. I'm worthless.

How have I made this discovery? It relates to the allergic reactions I started having awhile back. I haven't had an anaphylactic reaction since May. I adjusted some prescription meds, had no problems, so I assumed the medicine was to blame for the skin clawing, morbid swelling, nearly suffocating reaction to who knows what.

So three months go by and suddenly, I have another allergic reaction. Only this time it was the mother of all reactions. I swelled up, broke out in a weird rash, my lips were numb, I itched everywhere I had skin and I started sweating like a fat man in a construction zone. And then of course the usual, wheezing, severe abdominal cramps, what not. I looked like I dipped my head in a vat of battery acid.

When I used the epi pen, it worked for about 30 seconds before I really started getting bad. So Kevin took me to the hospital, where I was a walking freak show for the folks in the ER.

Once I'm calmed down (otherwise known as being drugged into a delicious stupor)the doctors parade out the usual questions,trying to figure out why this happens.

Nothing I ate, nothing I'm wearing, no recreational drugs, nothing out of the ordinary EXCEPT I got up early that morning to fix pancakes for breakfast. I was up before 7 a.m. on a Sunday morning. I had not only fixed breakfast but done some laundry and was all ready for church.

The matutinal behavior was the only unaccounted for variable that day. My skillful deduction tells me that I am allergic to early mornings.

I never get up early unless there's a darn good reason for it. And it nearly cost me my life. So, based on all logical comparisons, I think I can get a doctors excuse to sleep late each and every morning.

WWMMCD? What Would My Mother's Chiropracter Do?

In the past three weeks I seem to have developed either sporadic leprosy or an allergic reaction to who knows what. I have no idea what the catalyst could be. The circumstances surrounding the outbreaks have no commonality except that I was breathing.

It all started at Wal-Mart. I was supposed to be grocery shopping when I spied the ubiquitous yellow clearance sticker beckoning me to the jewelry section. Right there between the giant hoop earrings and Ying Yang key chains, my ears started to swell. Not being accustomed to the swelling of the ears, it felt like my head was changing into an Edvard Munch creation.

Then my lips started tingling and swelling into Angelina Jolie proportions. You'd think this might be a good thing, but no, this did not look good. Everything turned hot, like I was standing in the sauna, except I still had clothes on. When the hives appeared, and I began scratching every inch of exposed skin, I decided to forgo the groceries and go home. Mind you, I still bought the earrings.

Half way home I began wheezing and gasping for breath. By the time I walked through the door I was doubled over in abdominal pain. My husband was understandably disappointed there were no groceries.

A quick trip to the local ER establishment confirmed I am indeed allergic to “something.” With a prescription for steroids and one epi pen later, I was on my merry hive-free way.

I’ve had five or six of these phantom allergy induced anaphylactic reactions. While I can’t pin point the culprit, I have learned not to take Benadryl right before I’m supposed to teach a class and, word to the wise: DO NOT move leg when using an epi pen.

I’m simply at a loss as to what could be causing these odd reactions. Perhaps it’s the unearthly business going on next door. Perhaps I’m allergic to dirt mounds, beeping trucks or men in yellow hats earning prevailing wage. I’m thinking that maybe I could get some compensation from this here big sewer project. Part of that compensation would include Botox and liposuction. Let’s face it, this whole mess has caused premature aging and emotional eating binges.

When I told my mother about my allergic reactions, her first response was,” I bet my chiropractor could help.”

“What will your chiropractor do for my mystery allergy? Twist and contort me like a wet towel until he can snap the antibodies right out or maybe make me an organic necklace to ward off bad allergy spirits?”

“He could help build a wall of tolerance.” I’m beginning to wonder if my mother has transferred some sort of divine quality onto her bone cracker.

I resisted the urge to point out that if one doesn’t know what one is allergic to, how will one build a wall around it and just how many walls will one have to build before I’m tolerant to whatever it is that I’m intolerant to?

“Are you sure you’re not thinking of an exorcist? Maybe you’re thinking he could scare the allergy right out of me.”

“Don’t make fun of chiropractors. I’m going to call mine to see if he can help.”

I have no doubt she will. Meanwhile, I’m going to call an allergist.