Friday, December 28, 2007

Paris: Heiress or Hairless?

It's a good thing Paris has a therapist, a backup therapist and back up to the back up therapist. Can you imagine the coping mechanisms she's going to employ to deal with this news? Her inheritance has been sliced from $100 million to a paltry $5 million.

I do like Barron Hilton, aka grandpa, who has bequeathed 97 percent of the family fortune to charity. He also has a cool name. Of course, this comes at a cost to us, the American consumer.

In order to make up for the lost money, she'll be forced to hawk more wares (because her CD was a huge hit) like perfume-Ode de DUI, armpit enhancement, her self help book, "How to get out of the Klink in a Blink," the Rail-N-Jail rice and seltzer water diet, educational games PhD (Paris Hilton, Duh!), Paris Hilton text language (lots of hearts), her name copyrighted as a verb (as in...she stole her boyfriend. She got Parissssed), electronic ankle monitors in the season's brightest colors like jumpsuit orange and temper tantrum teal, her own rival hotel chain: The Hotel California, and a helpful hint to parents everywhere, the must have video series "What Not to Put on YouTube."

In the name of charity and for the greater good, we, as a people must tolerate the onslaught of Paris Paraphernalia. The girl has a right to eek out a living, you know.

I can tolerate almost anything if I know the would be hair extension money is now providing for the homeless. That's money well spent.

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