Paris: 'Daddy Has Been the Best Father'

And just like that, he becomes someone's daddy instead of international spectacle.

One Man's Trash is Another Man's...Aquatic Syndrome

I love yard sales. Pilfering through someone else's junk brings instant gratification. At my first sale of the summer I found The Works of Thomas Aquinass and The Iliad. The homeowner thought this was a first edition book, seeing as how he had never head of Homer, the one named author but likened him to Oprah. Perhaps, he pondered, it was a book by the creator of The Simpsons? I assured him all were possibilities.

My best yard sale find of the season: A GIANT lobster Jello mold. For 25 cents, what a find! Of course, I have no idea what I intend to do with said mold. Perhaps a Caribbean party? Something about it seemed vaguely familiar...I haven't made Jello since...OH NO!

I bought Jello molds last year at a yard sale! No one under 70 years of age even OWNS Jello molds. WHY DO I BUY JELLO MOLDS?? I have a problem, a gelatinous syndrome, an obsession with jiggly finger foods, a non-food group related tic. I need intervention! What is my problem?!!!

I'm a freak show. I'll take Foods Without Bones for $200, Alex. My poor kids will be forced to clean out my house when I die and be confronted with a tin menagerie. A closet full of androgynous shells awaiting sugar water and refrigeration. How embarrassing!

Why do I keep buying bizarre Jello molds?

Last year it was the twin fish Jello molds. This year it's the lobster. Seriously, why do I hone in on the edible sea creatures? Is there something Freudian about this?

Why can't I find a nice flower arrangement or crocheted toilet paper holder?...wow.

Don't Cry for Me Argentina

Finally, infidelity done right.

I'll tell you what I like about this story; and believe me, there's not a lot to like. In fact, it's really not even news. Politician has adulterous affair. Yawn.

But, unlike Hillary Clinton, Elizabeth Edwards and Dina McGreevey, Jenny Sanford is NOT dutifully standing by her wayward man.

The South Carolina governor admitted to having an affair with another woman from Argentina. As he made the public announcement, his wife didn't hold his hand and look longingly into his tear-filled eyes as he told the world he was a dirtbag.

No, she agreed and told him to move out. Of the governors mansion.

Now, I'm not hoping that this marriage is over and Jenny ends up with a reality show where she and the Govennah take turns living in the mansion. In fact, I hope they are able to reconcile and work this out.

in fact, she has stated, she intends to give Mark "every opportunity to resurrect the marriage."

But I love love love that she refused to play the martyr and had the backbone to spare her dignity and show some good 'ol Southern grit. She was the one who orchestrated his political career. He sabotaged it.

Good for you, Jenny. Run for Governor.

Michael Jackson...The Man on my Mirror

Breaking News: Michael Jackson is dead. 

I was in fifth grade when first I heard Beat It. I had a crush on the King of Pop for the next 3 years. I even wrote a letter adorned with butterfly stickers and addressed it to Michael Jackson somewhere in Encino California.  

Being from a staunchly conservative Christian home, I was not allowed to listen to the music of Satan. And for good reason. But what are friends for? Every video, poster, book and song that even referenced MJ, I devoured with stalker like obsession. Small photos of him were taped in secret places and on locker room mirrors. I loved the yellow vest.  

I tried to Moonwalk. I had a crush on any boy in my class that could. 

I wore parachute pants.  

I'd hover over my radio turned low just waiting to hear PYT.  

I was jealous of anyone named Billy Jean or Diana.  

Thriller was my magnificat. 

I could name all the Jacksons in birth order.  

But then I grew up. And got grossed out. But you have to appreciate the genius behind the music. Michael Jackson is an icon, a focal point, a common denominator for many generations.

The Heroine Of Iran's Dagdag Bawas Protests: Neda Agha-Soltan

"The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become."-Charles Dubois

This video is graphic. Courage is standing on the streets of Iran to protest your government. Please overlook the cheesy music. Pray for Iran's people who have courage beyond anything I know.

Get 'em while they still got 'em

A recent finance report came out on Yahoo!. I know. Big Deal. The big deal is that Krispy Kreme might go out of business.

Perhaps you don't have a Krispy Kreme near you. Perhaps you don't know that a person can buy a HOT glazed donut, just as it's coming off the conveyor belt of goodness, right after it is lovingly bathed in a waterfall of sugary glaze. It is what the White Witch of Narnia would call, "Turkish Delight." It's moral demise in a cardboard box. It will rot your soul and your teeth. Delicious.

OR 

Did you know...

You can take your kids' report cards into a Krispy Kreme and they will give you a  FREE donut for every A your child receives. FREE! So let's see...

5 kids
6 A's each

30 FREE DONUTS. 

Who needs dinner? Get yours now before they decide this deal is what's driving them out of business.

Jon OR Kate Plus 8?

In the big announcement on TLC's Jon and Kate Plus 8, both parents agreed to stop the constant filming and take a break to get counseling and heal the family.

I totally agree. What parent wants to put their kids through the trauma of a divorce and then play it over and over on season re-runs?

Oh, wait. That's not quite accurate. What did they say? The show must go on... The parents will revolve in and out of the house, presumably dragging more baggage and different bedfellows with them.

It wasn't great TV to begin with. Jon & Kate Plus 8. How weird that "reality" shows are anything but realistic.

I thought the most bizarre moment occurred when the kids were sitting down saying, "Shh... we're trying to do an interview."

What have we done when we raise kids believing that all the world actually WANTS to gather around them and stoop down to document each and every precious word? Let's be honest, sometimes I zone out and give the obligatory head nod, ummhmmm.

Or that everyone knows what they had for dinner last night, ala The Truman Show? Or that they can demand attention and the latest toys multiplied by 8? Can you imagine how disrupting and dysfunctional these kids will grow up being if they are accustomed to a film crew and a truck that deliverers goodies during sweeps season?

My recommendation for special guest: Dr. Phil.
Will the show go on? What's on the schedule for upcoming episodes? Will it be Jon and his girlfriend have a sleepover? Jon and Kate break the bad news to the kids? Kate goes on a shopping spree and is confronted by angry viewers? Sextuplets act up in school when teacher refuses to film spelling bee? Kate goes on a date? Jon and kids hit the clubs because "he's only 32?"

What will we be watching? If we watch the demise of a family, what does that say about our society? TLC=The Learning Channel. I'm learning more about myself and this world and I don't like what I see.

I honestly hope they can save this family. Forget the show, save the marriage.