Saturday, June 2, 2007

Omne initium est difficile - Every beginning is difficult

The past is but the beginning of a beginning, and all that is and has been is but the twilight of the dawn. -H.G. Wells

February 13, 2001. (great scanning skills, I know)

May 29, 2007.

I thought I would be more distraught, but maybe that's a delayed reaction and it will hit me next week. The twins graduated from kindergarten this week. My youngest. The last of five. I kept thinking through the whole ceremony, how difficult it is to put this feeling into words. When you get to this point, do you just use all the applicable cliches? They grow up so fast, Enjoy it while they're young, Time flies, It seems like just yesterday...

It does seem like just yesterday.

But I can't remember all of yesterday, only bits and pieces. Then I wonder, am I too careless with the memories? Will they come and go through the years or will I eventually just lose the past all together? I remember incidents and accidents, but I can't recall their little voices, the smells, the feel, the intangibles that occured each and every day. The ones I swore I'd remember.

Believe me, I'm not missing the potty training days or the 'run from mom in different directions' days. But I do miss the "I can't live without mom" days. Maybe I'm sad because those diplomas represent the little piece of time that's creeping closer.

With each passing year, they seem to need less and less of me. And now, instead of wishing for one day to myself, I want less days with just me and more days with just them. It's a helpless feeling to watch your kids grow up. We're powerless to stop it, yet we anticipate it at the same time. It's death and life all rolled together.

We were at a restaurant the other day when Ethan grabbed a huge steak knife and used it to butter his bread. I was watching his new found independence out of the corner of my eye. When he was done he put the knife down, held up all ten fingers and loudly announced, "Look, I used the knife and I still have all my fingers."

That's one more step away from me.

These graduation days are coming too quickly. Enjoy it while it lasts, They grow up so quickly, Time flies...

Hudson, age 6. Life motto: "I'll play against you in soccer and I will school you, you understand."

Ethan, age 6. Life motto: "WOOHOOOOOO! Life is best lived mildly out-of-control."


Merri said...

I can't tell you how many times I have thought, I don't want to forget this moment (thinking of Helen and Daniel) only to remember later thinking this but having no clue what I wanted to remember! And I only have 3 years worth of memories to file away, can't imagine where you are at. Sometimes I lay in bed in night wondering about what our memory will be like in heaven. I hope and, I admit, even have prayed that God will restore all those sweet memories to me in heaven.

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