Late this afternoon I was confronted with the ugly reality of someone carrying on a dual existence, right under my nose. Maybe not so much who but what, is the object in question. I happen to glance out the window to see a Fed Ex truck turn into the driveway. Oh yeah! I think to myself. I must be getting a surprise late Mother's Day gift.
When the arrival of the gift bearing man takes longer than anticipated, I look again to see what took the Ex out of express. Wait a cotton pickin' minute. I can't believe what I'm seeing. With darting movements, the FedEx guy leaps from his truck and sprints toward the port-o-john.
What?? Is he delivering a package in there? Does someone need toilet paper? Mylanta? After a few tense moments he emerges and hops happily back on his truck. Wait a minute! He just used the plastic roadside bathroom. Eeww! And I was hoping people would think they're just yard ornaments.
It's bad enough I have Siamese port-o-pots in the front yard, but now our house has become a local rest area? It's one thing to know she's providing services during the day,but at night also? To complete strangers?
Who else has been using the facilities? What-is it like a homing beacon for the transportation industry? Just how many people know about the roadside commode? Do they send secret underground messages to alert the needy of its whereabouts?
Where will it end? Bus drivers? A car full of screaming kids? Then again, maybe Mr. FedEx is on to something. I bet if I sent the kids down the drive to use the bathroom, I could seriously cut down on my cleaning time, the water bill, the toilet paper bill and the overall wear and tear of the bathroom. How much easier would it be just to trot the little tots down the driveway to take care of business?
Yes, something tells me I'm on to something good. Tomorrow I will post a sign on the regularly used bathroom door that refers all occupants to use the brightly covered outhouses at the end of the drive.
I bet if I added a vending machine and a newspaper stand I could make a fortune.