Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Five minus One equals FOUR!

I always head count. 1,2,3,4,5. 1,2,3,4,5. 1,2,3,4,5. It's a reflex. It only occurs to women. There is no cure. This weekend, us Presbyterian churchgoers made a guest appearance at my sister's Pentecostal church for their Christmas program. As is usually the case, some sort of minor catastrophe forced us into plan B: Separate departures in separate vehicles.

Kevin and I drive separately so at least one of us can give the impression of being on time. Thankfully, they are Pentecostals so the starting time is a suggestion for 'whenever the Spirit moves.' So we walk in and there's still singing and movement and we can find a seat relatively undetected.

To make a long story more complicated, we don't really meet until after the service where we're reunited just in time to separate and depart for home, which we do. I take my EXACT same entourage. Kevin takes his riders, or so I assume.

I arrive home a few minutes before Kevin's trolley. When he walks into the house with one less family member than is expected, I immediately ask the obvious question, "Where's Dylan?" And with that complex inquiry the communication begins to break down.

"What do you mean where's Dylan?" he says.

I, thinking this is an elementary inquisition which should not confound, ask another obvious question, only much louder than the first.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'WHAT DO I MEAN?' That question may look like a grammatical quagmire but those who have argued extensively with a man know what I mean.

Kevin: "I thought YOU had Dylan." {said loudly}.

Me: "No, I thought YOU had Dylan." {said not only louder but also much s-l-o-w-e-r so as to enforce comprehension}.

This is the first time in 12 years we've left a kid somewhere unintentionally. It's really quite miraculous we don't do it more often. Anyway, Dylan lucked out and went out to lunch with my sister, who saw him wandering the church. My family got a little chuckle out of it and it will become a joke with no expiration date.

At least it was at church. There's a lot worse place to leave your kid. For instance, my sister was left at a funeral home. Can you imagine going to lunch with that company?


Ron said...

You need to implement a military style roll call procedure.

But then you'd have to implement a AWOL procedure.

And then you'd have to establish a military hearing board which would totally seperate the bonding that currently is holding your regiment together.

Stay with your head counting procedure and blame the last happening on Kevin. If he's smart he'll go along with you.

Guinevere Meadow said...

Hey, if Mary and Joseph can leave Jesus at the temple, then why can't you do something similar?