Tuesday, February 6, 2007

I Heart Mediocrity

I don’t understand vehicular labels. I get the vacation labels-Hilton Head Island, Fiji Island, Hawaii Island, and Rykers Island. If I could afford to vacation at these places, I’d brag about it too. I’m talking about the dog labels. Isn’t it enough that I have to read where people vacation, but do I have to read what breed of dog they own? My brother loves his Labrador label, complete with the silhouette of a Labrador, for a literal translation. I’ve seen marketing ploys for nearly every breed. You name it, someone has stuck it on their car.

I’m not opposed to the shameless capitalist advertising gimmick, but I think it should be open to all breeds and not solely limited to purebreds. How dare we, as a society, decry intolerance yet practice the very inequality we oppose? Where are the stickers for the half-breeds, the mutts and the “My father is a stud and my mother could be your Labrador” stickers?

I demand the label industry rise to the occasion and produce auto labels for the common man who owns the common dog who drives the common pick up truck. I demand to see a “good hunting dog with a bit of an overbite” sticker.

While I’m at it, I hate the “my child is an honor student” bumper stickers. It’s simply not fair to the students who have broken the educational mold and cannot be confined to a cookie cutter education. Where are the “my child is home schooled so he’s waaaay smarter than your honor student” bumper stickers? Or, “my child can’t spell but he’s the reigning X-box champion in the tri-state area” label?

Why must we advertise our elitist preferences? Will it end with cars, vacations and pets? How about sporting a “What would Martha Do?” label as you defiantly pass the rest of us in the fast food drive through lane?

Isn’t it bad enough that if you drive a BMW and I drive a 10year old mini-van, that we’re already wearing our “labels”? On second thought, that's ok. I think I will stick a “My pit bull just ate your vest-wearin’ Pomeranian” sticker on my van.

Where can I get one of those?

1 comment:

Amy said...

I've always liked the bumper sticker that says "My kid beat up your honor student." My friend at work has one that says "My daschund is smarter than your honor student." Of course, the very best is the sticker that says "God is my co-Pilot" on the car that just cut you off and gave you the finger while talking on a cell phone and screaming at the kids in the backseat!